I suffered horribly from rejection as a young man. So much so that it turned my relationship with God into a hamster wheel of trying to please him day after day…and failing. Can I share with you how He set me free?Continue Reading...
Archives For Faith and Life
Recently rising superstar Lauren Daigle said in an interview that she did not know if homosexuality was a sin or not. Many in the Christian world have attacked her, but I just want to offer some advice. You can have the praise of Jimmy Kimmel or Jesus Christ, but it is hard to have both.Continue Reading...
As Solomon grew older, he compromised greatly. As a result, God raised up Jeroboam to lead the northern tribes. A prophet of Yahweh tells Jeroboam that he will be king, and that Solomon’s son, Rehoboam, will only have one tribe, Judah.
Lesson One—God doesn’t need your help
After Solomon dies, Rehoboam succeeds him. I love what happens next. Jeroboam already had received the prophecy that he would lead the northern tribes. All he had to do was wait for the Lord to act. But still, he seeks peace. He goes to Rehoboam and seeks to make a deal. He pleads with the young king to lighten the load on the people, assuring him that they would serve him.
Just because you have a prophetic word from God doesn’t mean you should seek to bring it to pass. Let God do it. I believe that when David snuck up on Saul and cut off part of his robe, it was to show his men that he could take matters into his own hands whenever he wanted. But he then rebukes his men for wanting to touch God’s anointed.
Jeroboam actually is willing to sacrifice his opportunity to be king, hoping that Rehoboam will choose peace. He simply tells the king, “Lighten our load and we will serve you loyally.”
Lesson Two—Consult with Elders
Rehoboam consults with the elders as to what to do. They gave him great advice.
“If today you will be a servant to these people and serve them and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your servants.” (1 Kings 12:7)
They understood the lesson that Yeshua would spend three years trying to impart to his disciples (see video onYeshua’s Greatest Challenge). Leading means serving. When you serve those under your authority, it invites loyalty. When you lord it over them, it produces resentment.
Lesson Three—Avoid Nepotism
Rehoboam had a great opportunity to build a solid kingdom. But instead he goes to “his boys” or “his posse” to get their take.
But Rehoboam rejected the advice the elders gave him and consulted the young men who had grown up with him and were serving him. He asked them, “What is your advice? How should we answer these people who say to me, ‘Lighten the yoke your father put on us’?” (1 Kings 12: 8-9)
This is a huge mistake and is the result of his immaturity. What do “the young men who had grown up with him” know, compared with the elders?
Rehoboam spurned those who were qualified to advise him. It is human nature to want to have your friends and family with you, as you rise to power. We see this all the time. President Kennedy brought his brother Bobby. President Trump has Ivanka and Jarod. Ministry leaders often want to turn things over to their children. Oral Roberts. Kenneth Hagen. Jerry Falwell. Sometimes, this is absolutely the will of God. Other times, it is simply nepotism.
How do you know? Ask yourself…if this person were notrelated to the leader, would they be considered for the job? In the case of Rehoboam, the answer is obviously no. Just look at the results.
He takes their advice, which was to increase the load on the people, and it caused a great division in Israel. The kingdom was split into two. It is much better to have with you qualified coworkers, subordinates and advisors, than people whom you simply like having around.
Lesson Four—Finish Strong
After Jeroboam is given the kingdom by God, he relies on his own wisdom to keep the people with him. Why could he not simply rest in the fact that God had taken a former exile and made him King, according to the word of His prophet? The rest of the prophecy was that he would have a dynasty.
If you do whatever I command you and walk in obedience to me and do what is right in my eyes by obeying my decrees and commands, as David my servant did, I will be with you. I will build you a dynasty as enduring as the one I built for David and will give Israel to you. (1 Kings 11:38)
But he got scared, thinking that when the people would go to Jerusalem to worship, they might return to Rehoboam. So he built two golden calves (of all things!) and put them in Dan, and told the people it would be much easier to worship God there.
“It is too much for you to go up to Jerusalem. Here are your gods, Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt.” (1 Kings 12:28)
I know exactly where this is! We take our tour groups near the border of Lebanon in the Tel Dan nature reserve. Jeroboam started out faithful and God rewarded him with favor and honor. But he did not finish strong! I know many believers who started with great zeal, only to end in defeat, addiction, adultery or worse. Anyone can start a marathon, but can you finish?
And that, my dear friends, are some leadership lessons from ancient Israel.
There is a passage in 2 Samuel that I see differently than probably any explanation you’ve heard before. I am curious what you think and hope my understanding helps you in your marriage.
It is the story of David and Michal. Michal was David’s first wife—Saul’s daughter. She was given to him for the foreskins of 100 Philistines. Pretty gross, right! Saul’s hope, by setting such an unusual and difficult bride-price, was that David would be in killed in the effort. (1 Sam. 18:25)
Michal was in love with David—and why not! He was the hero of Israel. He was rugged and handsome and the fiercest fighter—back when fighting was cool. Today, coolis more like pajama-boy from the Obamacare ad. But David was more of a “Duck Dynasty” kind of Jew.
Not long after their marriage, David had to flee for his life. Saul was trying to kill him. After more than a decade, Saul dies and David is made king. When he comes back, he finds that his wife had been given to another—Paltiel, son of Laish. He tells General Avner to bring him his wife, and Paltiel (who is more of a spiced-latte type of guy) follows her, weeping.
The Ark and the Ephod
Sometime later, the Ark of the Covenant is brought to Jerusalem. This is a jubilant day! All Israel is rejoicing.
Wearing a linen ephod, David was dancing before the Lord with all his might, while he and all Israel were bringing up the ark of the Lord with shouts and the sound of trumpets. (2 Sam. 6:14-15)
Meanwhile, his wife, Michal, was none too impressed.
As the ark of the Lord was entering the City of David, Michal daughter of Saul watched from a window. And when she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she despised him in her heart. (2 Sam. 6:16)
When she sees King David, she mocks him:
When David returned home to bless his household, Michal daughter of Saul came out to meet him and said, “How the king of Israel has distinguished himself today, going around half-naked in full view of the slave girls of his servants as any vulgar fellow would!” (1 Sam. 6:20)
Let me just clear up one thing. David was not naked. The NIV, my preferred version, uses the words “half-naked.” I don’t believe the King of Israel was exposing himself to the nation. The Bible says he was wearing a linen ephod. This is what a priest would wear. My best guess is that he was wearing this ephod and little else. NOT half-naked, but not, in Michal’s eyes, dignified for a king. And she would know; she grew up in royalty.
She was also probably judging David for acting as if he were a priest. He is making sacrifices (v. 13). David is not a Levite. He is from the tribe of Judah. Where does he get off dressing like a priest and making sacrifices? What Michal could not understand is that, prophetically, David, the father of Yeshua, is a priest, “in the order of Melchizedek.” (Ps. 110:4)
But here is where it gets interesting. Look at David’s defensive response to his wife.
“It was before the Lord, who chose me rather than your father or anyone from his house when he appointed me ruler over the Lord’s people Israel—I will celebrate before the Lord. I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. But by these slave girls you spoke of, I will be held in honor.” (2 Sam. 6:21-22)
While these words have been celebrated, I don’t think they were from the Spirit. He criticizes her father and even speaks boastfully over his best friend Jonathan, essentially saying, “The Lord chose me over your brothers!” It was verbal bodyslam!
As a “zealous” type, I can really relate to David’s response. It hurts to be accused of evil when you are doing the right thing—especially from your wife. But why is Michal responding this way? Why is she so jealous?
Mercy for Michal
Look at what this poor girl has been through. Let’s go point by point.
- She was raised by a psychopath, Saul.
- Saul gave her to David in hopes that, “she may be a snare to him and so that the hand of the Philistines may be against him.” (1 Samuel 18:21).
- Her husband has to abandon her, to run for his life.
- She is given to another man while she is still married to David. And seeing that this man ran after her weeping, when she was given back to David, tells me she grew into a decent person.
- She is taken from her second husband forcefully and given back to David. Maybe she grew out of her puppy love for David and grew to love her second husband? Maybe she resented being taken away? Maybe she had to leave children behind? It seems it was a traumatic experience for her.
- When David returns from exile, he has got a bunch of new wives and then takes even more wives in Jerusalem (2 Kings 5:13).
My point is that she had been through the emotional mill. She had suffered trauma. She was abused. She was a broken woman and in need of therapy. But David, the zealot, could only see in the natural—she was criticizing him. He couldn’t see how much she simply was crying out for love and stability.
Hear Beyond the Words
What a lesson for us leaders! We can be anointed and powerful in the pulpit, and then completely in the flesh when it comes to loving our wives. If I have learned anything from 30 years of marriage—it’s to ignore the words, and figure what’s going on inside. Michal was being passive aggressive: a type of behavior characterized by an avoidance of direct confrontation.
I have a secret for the wives. When you respond with passive aggressiveness instead of being direct, and you assume that your husband will figure it out, you are going to be disappointed most of the time. We’re just not that sharp.
Michal was using criticism to try and communicate what she was really feeling.
“I’m hurt! I’m broken. I don’t know who I am. I don’t feel that you love me. I can’t rejoice like you. I’m mad at you! My father and my brothers are dead! I need someone to hold me!”
I am actually tearing up while writing. This poor girl was crying out for love. And, instead, David rebuked her by saying that he would go even further in his zeal for the Lord.
But imagine if he walked over to her. Put his arms around her and said:
“Sweetheart, I can’t imagine what you are feeling. I know you are hurting and broken, but I want you to know, even your criticism will not keep me from loving you. You are not just the Queen of Israel. You are my queen. I will never leave you again…”
I don’t know, but something tells me that if he had been the man he was supposed to be, and loved her like she needed to be loved, she would have repented of her judgment and she would have been mother to the next King of Israel, not Bathsheba.
They both acted childishly. If she could have simply been honest and shared what she was really feeling and if he could have been there to love her, instead of reacting to the verbal attack, the story would have ended differently.
Trey gets born again. He finds glorious salvation in Yeshua.His sins are forgiven—every last one of them, gone! He is delighted—he is free. He tells everyone how gracious God has been to him. Over the next months and years, he grows in his faith. He even begins to teach in his congregation. And then, one day, he bumps into Rick, an old acquaintance. They were friends in college. That is, until Rick hit Trey’s car with his. To make matters worse, he fled. Some bystanders saw it and told Trey. But Rick denied it. It was never resolved and Trey had not seen Rick since college.
Trey could feel the tension building up. He had never gotten over it. Trey could sense his heart begin to tighten. Rick owes me!At the same time, he could feel his joy begin to dissipate. Trey has made his choice: He will not forgive Rick.
20,000 Years vs. 3 Months!
Yeshua, Himself, tells a story similar to the one above. In Matthew 18, He speaks of a king who was owed a great sum of money—1,000 talents or 20,000 years worth of wages! When the servant who owed him could not pay, the king threatened to sell him and his family. The man begged for mercy. The king was moved with compassion and forgave him.
Delighted, he leaves the king, only to run into a fellow that owed him about three months wages. He seized the man and had him thrown into prison.
When the king was made aware of this, he was incredulous. He took the man who owed him 1,000 talents and had him thrown into jail. Yeshua closes with these words:
“So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” (Matt. 18:35)
Do the Math
Why is unforgiveness the most hideous sin? It is really quite simple. How many sins has God forgiven in your life? It could be compared to 20,000 years of wages. And, then, add up how many times any one person has sinned against you—maximum three months of wages. When we focus on how much we have been forgiven—of every sin, every day (in my case for 53 years)—it is hard to hold something against someone else. Their sin against me is small, in comparison to my sin against God.
One of the reasons that we tend, in spite of being forgiven, to not forgive others, is that we don’t believe that our sin hurts God the way that we are hurt when others sin against us. Indeed, God doesn’t sit around personally offended, feeling sorry for HImself and angry over someone’s sin. And no one can abuse God. I am thinking of those who have suffered sexual or verbal abuse. But make no mistake, our sin bothers God. Our sin hurts God. It is sin, that has separated us from God. (Is. 59:2) Just think, because of our sin, Yeshua had to leave the courts of heaven, humble Himself as a man, and then allow sinful men to torture and crucify Him. Our sin caused Yeshua—who had never known separation from the Father, to be separated from him. Our sin cost God something!
And God absolutely expects us to forgive. There are consequences for believers who receive forgiveness but refuse to extend it. It is a central tenet in the Lord’s Prayer.
“…and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” (Matt. 6:12)
Before Yeshua finishes teaching us how to pray, He adds this:
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matt. 6:14-15)
And then there are Yeshua’s closing words from the parable in Matthew 18:
“So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” (Matt. 18:35)
Whoa! God seems to make forgivinga prerequisite to being born again. It only makes sense—how can we receive 20,000 years wagesworth of forgiveness and not be willing to grant three months wages worth of forgiveness to others? At the very least, this passage means that, even if we are saved, we will not be able to enjoy the gladness of salvation or the joy of being forgiven, unless we forgive others. How can we rejoice in being forgiven while we hold others in prison?
In the end, when we don’t forgive, it is only us that remain stuck in prison.
Big Deal to God!
This issue is so important to God, that He includes in the six-part prayer that we are to pray every day (Matt. 6:9-13). Every morning we should be confessing forgiveness over those who have sinned against us and even over those who will in the future.
Footnote: I know that for those who’ve suffered chronic abuse—especially sexual abuse—the journey to forgiveness is not so simple as reading a blog. It may take a professional counselor to help you work through the hurt and pain or supernatural deliverance. If that is you, please take the step to get help so you can be fully whole. Once you can forgive, then you can be healed and your tormentor will no longer have any power over you.